Karen Sherman, Ph.D., has a private practice for over 20 years. His first book, "Marriage Magic! To find the conversation, and it recently," was originally released in 2004 with co-author Dale Klein. It is also the author of a contribution to the "101 Ways to Self-Improvement, vol. 2", a writer in evidence for "Yahoo Personals", a weekly blog and writes on ThirdAge.com deny the column for Hitchedmag.com. She is regularly interviewed by the media and is frequently invited to national andInternational radio debates. Mr. Sherman takes a series of seminars on relationships and lifestyle. She is a member of the faculty of CW Post University and is active in organizations of the proposals. Karen lives in Long Iceland, New York, is married and has two daughters. Enjoys in his spare time, Karen reading, traveling and playing Suduko.
Tyler: Welcome, Karen. I'm glad you could be with me today. To get started, you can explain what is the middle of "mindfulnessand The Art of Choice "?
Karen: Thank you, Tyler. It's really nice talking to you. I have this book to help the people that so often in the lives of their behavior is not really the result of free choice. Instead, most of the time, life is the result of reactions to the models, a model based on experiments that have learned in childhood are, too. And, most important, if not generally pleased with the results of their actions or how their life goes onMany people do not even know what happened. It's almost as if they are working on autopilot. "For example, someone seems to be always in trouble with his entourage. They constantly criticize everyone. Do you think that maybe something that feels and is not still a victim.
I've come to the services and methods of change that I speak in the book of my own personal journey. Following that I lived, I was able toThat look so much of my life emotionally frozen. I have a lot of personal work to deal with feelings and not easy to understand and recognize that there are ways to prevent a prisoner of his past. I began taking these tools in my private practice and my clients have started to strongly positive reactions. So I was more motivated, the knowledge I have gained a much wider audience than shares, only the ones I practice in my.
Tyler: Karen, asdepends largely on the perspectives and expectations of life? For example, a person who thinks she is a victim, not only that they can do something to people like him, but expects to be treated this way if it is programmed to respond in this way?
Karen Tyler, I think you have reached a very important point. It is an absolute reality in the lives of their own reality, only for each person according to their ideas and expectations. And yes, if the hypothetical "it"refers to you and I expect to be treated as victims, as one of the highlights of being treated as a victim in another. Return to the scenario in my book, it feels the filter system run a lot, as you see the world, which then sets his expectations, perceptions and behavior.
Tyler: Karen, because it relates to the election as art?
Karen: I see the election as an art than a science. Exact science is, rigid,specific. For me, the concept of choice that every person has a number of ways and all kinds of potential. So, to honor the journey of every human being, I thought it would be better to think in terms of art that is more abstract, creative, fluid and flexible.
Tyler: Can you an example of how the opportunities are there? Often, people want the answer to a problem, but say it may, many answers?
Karen: Exactly! Not necessarilygood response to any situation. When we responded in an ice cream, as usual, but you can not even consider other possibilities. If from this rigid position, all kinds of options are available. Even if you like the choice that is not true, but can be used as "Fight", you can learn from this and other opportunities in the future. The possibilities are there. It is open for them.
Tyler: Karen, what was yourspecializes in the relationship?
Karen: I have a great experience in this field. At the beginning I had a collaboration for a long time - since I have 8 years to be exact! I assume that these early experiences to promote a passion for couples with their struggle for success and help the children feel safe, cared for and safe in their family. I took advanced courses in this area have the certification in marriage and family work, and make sure that I continueaware of what happened in the area of ongoing research. All types of work that I do to keep alive the interest in supporting people in their relationships.
Tyler: What benefits have personally received help people with their relationships? You always learn from your customers?
Karen: I have a lot of personal satisfaction when I know that I am to help someone, in person or contributed by his report. I feel like I added somethingHumanity. And yes, there are times when I learn from customers. I never claim to know everything. I see life as a journey and, perhaps, my clients' perceptions of something or how he came to understand something is not only helpful to me, but it does allow me to help others. So when I see a tool that does not work as effectively as I want, I can refine it. This allows me to use, better with others.
Tyler: Your book uses exampleshis life to teaching supervision. Want us an example to illustrate what we mean by consciousness that?
Karen: Sure. Many clients I have worked, they would have problems with the control of rabies, which had a short fuse "experienced". After we talked, it became clear that the signals they receive to inform them that they knew nothing bothered. These signals can be that her breasts always close any more and aTachycardia. Ignoring body signals, was set up the anger to reach a point where they are uncontrollable and exploded. By these clients learn how to care for their body signals before they were to intervene in the situation and do something constructive before it explodes. This prevents unwanted adverse behavioral responses above.
Tyler: What is an example of something constructive you can do? Will you give us an examplespecific situation in which might annoy someone and then as the person who could make the situation more constructively?
Karen: One of the most constructive, if anyone remembers that she is angry, it's a touch, long and slowly through your nose. Breath in the neck and chest area below the rib cage. Keep it until the number four, and then let it slowly through her lips slightly open. Here you can restart the parasympatheticNervous system of the body relaxed. They can not be in a state of relaxation and excitement at the same time. Once the person is calm, you can listen more to what is being said and respond accordingly.
Tyler: Karen, what exactly is the role of storage in our relationship? Once we had relationships that we never really a relationship together, and that without the money going?
Karen: Absolutely! Very often, when weare the wounds of the past, you are to someone who) will be dressed in a sub-conscience that reminds the person of your past (usually from your family of origin to tackle the problem. This is why people tend to go with the same type of person over and over again, even after injury, and vowed that next time will be different. I remember that I am a sub-conscious.
But if the person is willing to consider the actual loss and fall under thethe exercises in my book, the brain is actually capable of new compounds, ReWire, that the current situation does not provoke, create the same reaction. Therefore, by practicing these exercises, over time the wound is gone. I mean, if the initial situation can not change the facts, the facts, there are more negative emotional energy behind it. Once the wound is healed, no longer needs to play with a partner. The reportYou or those who will enter an entirely different way, are much healthier.
Tyler: How can you stay aware of patterns and historical baggage, and if you try to sabotage our relationship with today?
Karen: For me, the "red flag" when someone an immediate, strong emotional reaction to something. And if the other person is trying to let go of the victim can not simply be explained. The reason why there is a reaction so strong becauseHanging on to something of the past. Yes, there is a limit to the current situation, but the intensity is the gift that much more.
How to sabotage your relationship, I do not think you realize that their behavior is sabotaging their relationship when their reactions. In reality, the emotions are so strong, it is not. Emotions cloud clear thinking. Only later, when calm emotions (andLater, you can still) a few days, the person can recognize that their behavior has undermined their relationship.
Tyler: Why did you focus on the word "vigilance" on the conscience "in the title?
Create Karen: This book is about to let people know that it is the life that they want, really, you can choose. The concept of consciousness is simply the result of feeling or perceiving. More importantly, requires no action. OnIn addition, monitoring is not passive, but requires action by the Spirit. We must adopt an attempt to focus attention on what they pay at the moment too. Thus, the term surveillance in full compliance with the process of breaking the usual patterns of the past, and choose the life they expect and deserve to live.
Tyler: Karen provides exercises in the book that will help us to improve our relations. Want an example of an effective exercise?
Karen: Ifumbled with various aspects of a better relationship in the book offer. The relationships are very important for improving their lives. Unfortunately, too often I see people who believe that the only way to have a good idea of who they are in a relationship can have. So, if they are involved with someone are like a kite high, but if something goes wrong, or end the relationship, he left to themselves, as they feel are unnecessary, and go to aemotional free fall. Why have most of their emotional force from another person. E ", as the adoption of the fantasy movie, Jerry McGuire, where one character says to another:" connect me. "Without knowing it, the explanation of the dependence of consciousness.
The best relationships are those where one, two completely different people. It's really hard, in a healthy relationship if you do not feel good about yourself. 'reTo search for another person feel good and is very responsible and fair to each party. Of course it is more likely occur if you use a lot of "baggage" of your past.
To a romantic relationship with success, the first thing that you need a good and solid relationship with himself. One way to do this is to accept that all parts that are wonderful and some parts are not. You must be able to love everyone, do not tryget rid of products that are less than miraculous. These are the parts that need more love. All pieces are adorable and you deserve the love can give.
I recommend you to all the various parties, including some stubborn lazy animal parts, etc. Many times, you can see different aspects of herself at different ages. Ask any of them on stage. Now, as an adult, is the unconditional love, and go to start each of them;You express your love and acceptance of this part. Imagine express that every company and your love and imagine the feeling of love for the adult in you.
Of course, it does not take long occur after a single attempt. It requires repeated practice, like learning any other skill. This is a brief example, is explained in detail in the book. And as I said before, there are other exercises, and help with the relationship problems.
Tyler: Karen, what is describedSounds like co-dependency and love addiction. Several other books have been written on these topics. What do you think makes "Mindfulness and the Art of Choice" to be distinguished from other books?
Answer: I know that many of these books and are all well-conceptual. "The awareness and the nature of the election" offers readers the opportunity to really change. Also for a change, effective and lasting damage should be dealt with at the physical level, not only by aintellectual understanding. The tools in my book, the reader will feel the emotions and new views to a large extent.
Tyler: Karen, how do you think, "the attention and the kind of choice" from your last book, "Marriage Magic" What is the difference you want to express?
Karen: This book is remembered more for the individual and focuses on healing the negative news of the past who you are. Learn to be aware of messagesand how to rewrite them so that more positive choices and positive outcomes in your life. "Marriage Magic, but also motivated by personal experience, was fueled in part by my awareness that many of my clients were married, even if they are unhappy. This book should help to revive their relationship, rather than divorce.
I intend to write a follow-up piece, "Mindfulness and the Art of Choice" because it plays more directly into aCouple.
My hope for both books is that people know that their lives can be better. We all deserve and are up to them.
Tyler, an element of "consciousness and the nature of choice" that arises is that the personal stories that were in the examples. Want to share one of these stories with us, and what you learned because you thought would be in his book also make sense to others?
Karen: For me, any kind of abuse I suffered was the worstNegligence. My mother worked in his company in a historic moment that has not worked in the mothers. On several occasions, my parents call and say they would go home for dinner and I have to wait that the pizza taken home. Of course, as a child, I was so excited. You are too late and did not come home, he said. No calls, no explanation, nothing. Only a little girl "disappointed that by the end of sleep without dinner, but mainly because they do not see myParents. When I became a mother, I never missed an event or came too late for one of my daughters.
So yes, Tyler, personal stories are very enlightening. The reason why I expose her was to know that even if you have had a terrible reality of childhood, may be different.
Tyler: Karen, you're a good teacher and creator of the seminar. Tell us a little "convey about what you try in people through education?
Karen: Please ask meProblem because the same things that I bring is my teaching, my workshops and my practice to the message that I wanted people to this book. The main message is that no matter what your past experience, how you live your life is a choice. I sincerely believe that not just every man for what he or she is responsible, but there is also power. Of course I know things are hard, think of my childhood was. That's why I was willing to share,let others know so many personal details that changes can be made. So I want to inject a message of hope and strength and to let others know how important it is that to honor them.
Tyler: Thanks for joining me today, Karen. Before you go, you can use your site and know what additional information is available in May on "Mindfulness and the Art of Choice"?
Karen: I have two different pages: http://www.ChoiceRelationships.com andhttp://www.drkarensherman.com. You can get a lot of free stuff: It is a program of short message, "5 Tips for a good relationship," a program of 3 weeks, you can change your relationship to the principle of action = reaction to an article based on "How to shop for a therapist, and people subscribe to my free monthly newsletter providing valuable information on ongoing relationships and lifestyle offerings.
At each location there is a product that I offer otherTools, books, CD or MP3. And I'm always adding more products.
Tyler: Thank you, Karen. I wish you much success in helping people to be aware of their decisions. Keep up the good work.
Karen: Thank you for the opportunity to speak with you. I hope to read "The awareness and the nature of choice" and acquire the necessary tools to live a life of choice!
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